Monday, September 28, 2009

Things I Never Thought I'd Say

Prior to having children I had grand ideas as to how I would raise them. Days spent chasing them through fields of sunflowers, me in a petticoat - them with long blond ringlets with monogramed vintage pillow case dresses on. Then smack... God sent me three boys and thank goodness because while they all have had long blond ringlets I ain't got no stinkin' petticoat and there are no sunflower fields within miles of my home. Honestly I was ready for the craziness that would ensue - what I was not ready for was the things that would come out of my mouth when talking to them.


Don't touch your brother's penis or anyones penis for that matter.

I think it is better if you carry the cat by the neck rather than by the tail.

No we do not put matchbox cars in the fish tank.

No the fish can not sleep in your bed.

Seriously, why did you think it was a good idea to put a dirty diaper in your brother's bed.

If you are going to hide your brother's blanket at least hide it where we can find it.

Yes, if you shake the lizard in the bug cage hard enough he does turn black.

You t-t in the toilet NOT on the wall - which is why the toilet starts with a t - you know like t-t!

Which one of you thought it would be funny to teach Truman to say poopy?

We do not use our fingers to see if our bottom is clean yet.

It doesn't matter how long it has been on the floor, you can still eat it

We don't tell strangers that we are 'free-balling" no matter how nice they seem.

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